Friday, April 8, 2005

More On Opening Day

Sadly, Opening Day has somehow devolved into more of a social event than a sporting event. The ballpark is full of yahoos who don’t even seem to realize there’s a game going on. They just seem to be there to drink, block other’s view, and talk on their cell phones.

Not being one to merely point out a problem without offering a solution, I suggest that teams initiate "Moron Opening Day." Sell tickets to the ballpark for a date a couple of days before the real Opening Day. Offer overpriced beer and food – just don’t play a baseball game. With luck, the goons will come to this event and won’t need to come to Opening Day, thus satisfying everyone’s needs.

This concept should also be applied to fireworks games. Sell tickets to the ballpark when the team is on the road and shoot off the same mediocre (at least by Boston standards) fireworks. Don’t burden these people with the inconvenience of a baseball game. All of the cretins who typically get to the game in the 8th inning just to see fireworks will be much happier, as will the baseball fans who don’t have to deal with them on game day.

©2005 Douglas T. Dinsmoor


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